I can feel my body weakening as tiredness creeps through my body, a reminder of a rather tough day I had with my 8 month old who has mastered the art of fighting sleep and crying every time I leave the room.
Bedtime routine is non existent today I simply try to keep smiling behind sleepy eyes as I rock my baby to sleep. As I lay beside him trying to soothe him he continues to cry I can just about make out a half hearted ‘mumma’ through his tears. Desperate for sleep I bury my head under the pillow but his cries still reach me, I feel overwhelmed – my mind which is usually fully prepared with answers and solutions has failed me and I’m left with a lingering desire to find an off button.
Closing my eyes is tempting at this point but instead I turn to my baby and smile, I can feel the knots in my back loosen and the tightness of my posture ease up. He smiles back at me the kind of smile you can see in his eyes a genuine smile, soon he forgets why he was crying and I realise a fault in my ways. Motherhood doesn’t have an off button and although I was losing my mind over broken sleep,endless tears and bedtime drama I am here to protect soothe and allow Francis to have trust in me. I won’t always know the answers, I can’t always understand why fighting sleep is beneficial I may sometimes forget how to make you laugh but I will always be here.