I sometimes tell myself that this is the week for change, for kale eating water drinking power walking kind of change. The change you can feel in your whole body and mind.
Unfortunately for me I have never been self motivated, I lack the basic requirements needed to fulfill any of my goals. Either that or I am simply lazy and find parenting a big enough challenge as it is occupying every bit of space in my head.
So parenting a three year old has defeated me – like most things in my life.
Only this time I can’t give up ..
so I have to try harder, learn, focus and learn some more.
Because that’s what parenting is, it doesn’t have to come naturally all at once we can’t all be prepared for what is around the corner.
It is completely unpredictable and messy at times.
To make things better and reconnect to what I felt was lost I decided to take a trip to Brighton for a hotel break. A mini adventure might just be the key to figuring things out.
So toddler and I packed our bags and did just that.
We did simple things together and I remembered how much he loved going to new parks but also how much he dislikes the busy ones so he clung tightly to my hand as we explored.
We strolled through the cobbled streets taking everything in and chatted the whole time. There were plenty of melt downs but I talked to him and asked what was going on and why he felt the way he did.
We ate pasta in a lovely Italian which Francis loved and with no interruptions we were able to chat some more. Other than taking pictures I had no need to check my phone or get lost in my news feed. Because this moment was what felt important and nothing else was necessary.
Walking by the sea as the sun still shone brightly down on the pier I sat back in silence realizing that this was just what we needed.
Children are a blessing they really are but just because we are the parents it does not mean we are always right. My toddler is growing and changing so fast and I failed to see that being a child also means being silly, testing slightly annoying and at times just misunderstood. I couldn’t understand why Francis’s behaviour had suddenly changed, rather than think about it I just put it down to classic toddler moments. But truthfully at this time I was not working with him and talking about things when he might have needed some answers.
The challenges we face and the melt downs over the small things might be something much bigger than that in the mind of a small person – I will always try to remind myself to be a little more understanding and work together.
Taking time out together has made me connect again and notice more. Perhaps it was being away from normality and general life that made it easier to find clarity but either way I am happy that we achieved what we needed from our break.
I am not the perfect mother I learn something new all the time. With a new baby on the way (october 4th) I am still asking questions and figuring it all out.
But if I had it all together I wouldn’t experience these beautiful light bulb moments.