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Am I Pretty Yet?

IMG_4773.jpgClumsily dressed, baggy material, shapeless.

Comfort.

Far away from my past where freedom dressing saw me through long summers and fancy evenings.

She wore her clothes like pieces of art, proudly and particular. Thoughtful in choice yet careful not to be over the top. Her style not quite in tune with her personality but selected with her love of fashion. 

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Now a mother dressed for practicality. For long summers and not so fancy evenings.

I don’t feel pretty, unique or even myself.

Not until now that is.

 

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The dress

Standing tall, taller than usual. Invisible hands lifting invisible string above my head – taller, taller.

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I am not carefree. Not just yet, I haven’t been given the pleasure of letting go of self consciousness and self doubt.

But today I was like the girls from the magazines only less glossy.

My hair draped over my shoulders, messy and effortless. Awkwardly standing while I am photographed.

I wondered if she could see the clusters of freckles on my face that I had tried to hide with cover stick. I thought about what side I looked nicer and how I could disguise my uneven boobs.

 

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Unsure.

Am I pretty yet?

Am I ok?

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My role has changed, the years spent shaping my identity have shifted. I am the same person yet different.

She hung dresses on the wall so she could look at them and imagine wearing them.

I felt pretty today.

I wore one of the dresses that would have had a place on the wall with the rest of my nice clothes.

 

 

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Realise the importance of saving a little space in your thoughts for yourself, taking time to remember what you like and what makes you happy. Whether it’s an outfit you have been admiring or something simple to lift your spirits.

 

 

You don’t have to fade away anymore.

 

 

Photography – Gemma Butterworth 

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Dress & Jumper both TopShop 

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6 comments so far.

6 responses to “Am I Pretty Yet?”

  1. Sophia says:

    Wow Hannah such an emotive and beautiful post! Loved reading this and want you to know you are so beautiful even if you don’t feel it <3

    Lots of love

    Spoonie sophia. Xxx

    • ordinaryhannahlucy says:

      Hello Sophia, I can’t thank you enough for reading and taking the time to comment my post. I am never sure where the words come from but this little space for writing has become my favorite place to be and it’s nice to know people like you are here and so accepting. Lots of love to you my lovely xxx

  2. Danielle says:

    I don’t always take the time to read every post (kids, as you know) but I read this one and found it to speak to me precisely in this moment. I was thinking about this recently, how as a mother my style has morphed into whatever is functional. I don’t need to wear anything else so I don’t. But sometimes it feels good to get back to who you were when you wore things and felt pretty. 🙂 (And by the way you look beautiful, and that dress is grand!)

  3. Alex Gladwin says:

    Hannah you are stunning. You really are. You should feel pretty everyday. <3 xx

    • ordinaryhannahlucy says:

      Thank you so much Alex, we put so much pressure on ourselves these days it is so easy to get caught up in it all forgetting to appreciate what we have. Thank you for taking the time to read this xxxx

  4. Ashlee says:

    You are such a lovely person! 🙂

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