A rush of guilt hits me as I look at my darling baby content in his Moses basket, the guilt has stemmed from feeling so stressed in recent times. Prior to Francis falling asleep he had been crying on and off for what felt like hours, of course I was aware of these challenges and have always been able to face them head on trying different techniques to soothe him and trying to be assertive to his needs.
But all of a sudden in my sleep deprived state I felt over whelmed and extremely tearful, holding him close to my warm chest I kept questioning myself wondering if I was doing a bad job. The crying continued and nothing seemed to be working, even normal sounds like the television was starting to frustrate me I just wanted to be in peace and know that all was well.
I realised however that the guilt that had managed to make me feel worse was unnecessary as it is completely normal to get down at times, I am not Wonder Woman as much as I would like to be and therefore must accept that it’s ok to get sad, it’s ok to worry too much and it’s certainly ok to ask for help because as long as these things are all in moderation and not occurring to regularly it’s all normal.
So with guilt mirroring my every thought I decided to take a much needed nap with little ‘frankie’ catching up on sleep felt like the sensible option rather than drowning my sorrows in copious amounts of herb tea and waiting for him to wake, this way I would feel better in my self and be able to cope better with anything.
Turns out our naps did us the world of good, my stress levels had subsided leaving my energy levels at a peak which resulted and a more contented baby.
It’s my birthday and although I still fight the blues I have managed to control them better so now it’s time to indulge in a little retail therapy and enjoy my first birthday with the company of my son.