I call it bad luck because it is the only way I can make sense of the past few weeks.
It’s life way of shaking things up and reminding me that things can be tough, a tester for my relationship, my heart and my ability to hold it together.
So here I am making sense of it all. Emotions cluster together forming tears that I can’t explain to my partner who has tried so hard to be the back bone in all this mess.
It all started with a pregnancy test….
Two bold pink lines giving me such excitement and hope I couldn’t even begin to try and hold it together and pretend to be sensible with my news. Instead I ran with it telling my friends and spending my evenings imagining my life with two children. Day dreams filled a space in my mind that had been empty for a while, I so wanted this and was so happy to finally welcome my second pregnancy.
Fearless of what could happen I simply put aside any worry having every hope that this was meant to be. Of course it was this was in the big plan.
It wasn’t long before the excitement of baby number two was replaced with emptiness and questions I couldn’t face.
My pregnancy wasn’t meant to be and instead I was faced with complications and a suspected molar pregnancy (which I had never heard of)
Leaving the the hospital after our news was so hard. I had just anticipated returning home with an envelop of scan pictures and numbers indicating the progress of our little bean. The sadness hadn’t kicked in though as I was over whelmed with the overload of information I was left with.
So instead of clutching onto my scan pictures proudly leaving the hospital, I was holding onto a selection of leaflets with an empty heart.
This was certainly not in my plan and this is when I began to ask the universe ‘why me’ followed by outbreaks of tears.
A week has passed since the news and various tests have been carried out to find out what exactly is going on. The scans have been unsuccessful in giving us any explanations which is why they have decided to operate on Wednesday.
I will know more after this procedure so until then my mind will be open and I will get through this gradually.
I would love to be sharing pictures of my favorite jumpers and telling you about my adventures but for now this is our situation.
I can assure you I will be back to my normal positive self soon – and plenty of pictures and updates will follow.